


How much do you weigh?

by Random_Inked_Thoughts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Affection, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Neck Kissing, Phil Lester Is A Sweetheart, Romantic Fluff, Self-Hatred, Sobbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 03:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16339139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Inked_Thoughts/pseuds/Random_Inked_Thoughts
Summary: Dan has suffered from anorexia in the past, and thought he was in the clear by the time he met Phil. However, he begins to panic slightly after his mother says something that hits a little too close to home. Phil can't stand to see Dan like this, and he knows exactly what to do.Disclaimer: Please don't force shipping on the people depicted within this work. Please remember that they still have lives, and honestly, they're real people, free to do what they want to. I'll support them no matter what. This is a work of fiction, and simply for my own enjoyment.





	How much do you weigh?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I wrote this fic because I need to get out some of my feelings about this stuff. I myself am not anorexic, however this work and topic are very important to me. Honestly, if any of you suffer from any kind of eating disorder, please, please talk to someone. It is so important that you get the help you need and deserve.

Lean to the left, lean to the right. Stand on tiptoes, even though it won’t change anything. Reach out, run your hands over your own stomach. Suck it in. Cup it between your two hands. Squeeze the extra fat. Turn to the side, look at yourself in the mirror. See how far your stomach sticks out? See the extra chub? It’s hideous. Get rid of it.

 

_Oh, how much do you weigh?_

 

Dan felt small tears begin to prick in the corners of his eyes as he gripped the edge of the sink, feeling as though he was going to hurl. The words had just been harmless in theory, just a remark from his mother one night over the phone. Just a small idea, but that was all it took for his old insecurities to come flooding back in. It had wormed its way back into his brain like a parasite, refusing to let go.

 

_Really? You could stand to be a few pounds lighter._

 

It was a terrifying crescendo in his head, each parasitic thought blocking out the last. The tears were flowing freely now as it grew louder and louder. Dan could feel himself shaking slightly, and he bit his fist in an attempt to keep from crying out. He needed to shut his own head up.

 

“Dan?” Someone was calling for him, but they were miles away.

 

How could she have forgotten this? It’s not like she had ever addressed it, but she had known that her son had suffered from anorexia, she had lived through his battle with it! She had been there on the sidelines every time he threw up his meal, every time he couldn’t keep a reasonable portion down. She had known, and she had been disappointed. He had disappointed her every single time.

 

A strangled, choked moan came from his throat as Dan looked back to the scale beside him. The scale he had just been on, for the sixth time since the phone call yesterday. He crumpled down to the floor, his legs giving out under him, familiar bile rising in his throat.

 

There was one knock at the bathroom door, a warning, and then it began to creak open. _Phil._ Dan’s eyes widened in fear. _I don’t want him to see me like this. Please._

 

“Dan are you okay? I thought I heard-” Phil was in the room now, his voice dying away as he locked eyes with Dan. “Oh.”

 

Dan cast his eyes downward in shame.

 

Barely a moment passed before Dan felt strong arms wrap around his waist. He stiffened, his legs pressed into the cold tile floor at a strange angle, before relaxing into the warm hug. It smelled like cinnamon, and watermelon, and that cheap fabric softener they always bought, and it smelled like home.

 

Dan burrowed deeper into the arms that held him, desperately trying to make himself smaller than Phil. They sat there while Dan’s sobs subsided, until he could stop shaking, rocking slightly, taking comfort in each other’s presence. They sat there until Dan could feel his heartbeat again, slow and steady. They sat there until all of the extra noise cleared from his head. They sat there until the tears no longer fell from his reddened eyes. It was warm, it was safe, and it was _Phil._

 

There was a slight tickle near his left ear, and he felt Phil’s lips move as he whispered, “Come on, let’s get off of this floor, ok?”His voice sounded hesitant, waiting to see what Dan said before he even attempted to detangle his limbs from him.

 

Dan nodded meekly, sniffling one last time.

 

“Do you want me to carry you?”

 

That was a surprise. Phil hadn’t even attempted to lift him since Dan gained the extra inch on him. Dan was surprised to find himself nodding.

 

There was a scuffling behind him, and the bundle of warmth that was Phil was suddenly gone, though only for a moment. The next thing Dan knew, he was being lifted back into his arms. The bedroom was only a few short paces down the hallway, and then Dan was being placed gently down on top of their duvet.

 

He could feel the bed sag slightly and some minor shuffling as Phil climbed in as well, bringing his arms to wrap around Dan’s waist. They sat there in the dark, too early to go to sleep, too awake to even try. There was a moment of silence.

 

“What brought this on again, Dan?” Phil’s voice was quiet.

 

Dan let out a shaky sigh. “It was stupid.”

 

He could almost feel Phil frowning behind him. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, Dan. Talk to me.”

 

“It’s nothing.” Dan sighed. He closed his eyes, feeling his throat constrict again. Suddenly, Phil’s hands were there, on his stomach, slipping under his shirt. He almost screamed.

 

“Don’t tense up,” Phil murmured from behind him, nuzzling his neck slightly and pressing a small kiss to the back of it. There was no harm to it, and it wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. Platonic cheek kisses were commonly exchanged between the two of them. This wasn’t any different. “You’re beautiful Dan, and I wish you could see that for yourself sometimes.” His hands continued to move across Dan’s stomach, squeezing him slightly.

 

Dan let out a small sound like a whimper, blushing. “Cold hands…” He whispered.

 

Phil chuckled, continuing to press little kisses into the back of his neck. “That’s another great thing about your body. You’re always warm. They’ll heat up quickly.”

 

Dan smiled slightly at the validation, taking comfort in Phil’s hands running all over his stomach, much like his own had done earlier, but with a whole different connotation behind it. _Is this what being loved feels like?_

 

“Mmh,” Phil smiled into his neck. “And whenever you bend over, I can see the cute little rolls of your stomach. You’re always so smooth and soft, even when you aren’t even trying.” He grabbed Dan’s waist tightly, suddenly flipping him to face him.

 

“Oh!” Dan let out a small noise of exclamation, a harsh flush appearing on his cheeks, disappearing down his neck.

 

“You blush so easily, it’s adorable.” Phil smirked, pushing up his own glasses casually. “And your skin is flawless. I just wish you would understand… if you saw yourself the way I saw you, you wouldn’t hurt yourself this way.”

 

“I love you.” The words were quick, blurted from Dan’s mouth in a heartbeat, without a second thought. He felt his face color due embarrassment for the second time that night, quickly casting his eyes downward. _Way to mess that up, Daniel. What were you even thinking?_

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

Dan slowly turned his head back to Phil, looking up through his lashes. “We talked about this,” he began hesitantly, “You can always-”

 

“I mean on the lips!” Phil blurted it out, his face now coloring as well, flushing to match Dan’s.

 

Dan inhaled sharply. Finally, he whispered, “Please.”

 

That was all it took. Phil’s lips were suddenly crashing against his, his lips warm and his chap stick smelling faintly of cinnamon. Dan gasped into his mouth as Phil pulled him closer to him, making is as much a hug as it was a kiss.

 

When they broke apart, their faces were flushed, and Dan almost didn’t want to make eye contact. But then he saw Phil’s impossibly blue eyes flick up to meet his, and he couldn’t even think to look away.

 

“What does this make us?” Dan questioned softly.

 

Phil just hummed and pulled him closer. “Whatever you want us to be.”

 

The room was silent for a moment as they cuddled.

 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this piece a read. It means the world to me, honestly. Please comment or kudos if you have the time, they really make my day. Stay safe out there, and have a lovely October. :)


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